Closing a Chapter

WILTON IN JULY
singing; juggling; cycling in the dark; fireflies; drawing; clay modeling; javelin; discus; flowers; gymnastics; eurythmy; games; science demonstrations; essays; skits on adolescence; rain & heat; coyote spotting; thunder & lightning; the art of speech; hummingbirds; Gregorian chant; lectures & readings; GRADUATION; good-byes; great food; great friends; great fun

Home is Where the Heart Is

Yes, I've been home, home, home for a month now--aaahh!  While settling in, I felt a wariness in the part of me that wasn't quite certain I was really, truly back home to stay.  In another part of me, being in Edmonton felt so natural that perhaps I hadn't been away after all.  I felt confused about what season and month it was, having returned from a glorious New England spring and summer to Alberta's end-of-winter/early-spring brownness and barenness.  I came home to an instant life, swept into the busyness of family and events and things that needed doing, that had nothing to do with being a graduate student!  I've been dabbling in this and that since my return home, not seeming to accomplish much and feeling the lack of rhythm and regular routine in my life.  

Home is belongingness, confidence, inner peace, and joy.

FEED THE BIRDS

I'm the one who wanted to hang a bird feeder at the corner of our downtown balcony, and Ken humored me by installing it about a year and a half ago.  We watched and waited in vain to be discovered by the wee feathered folk.  This winter, the pillar poplars seemed to enjoy a growth spurt, and they are now as high as the balcony above ours.  And we have birds!  They are mainly LBJs--little brown jobs--and they are oh, so welcome, with their entertaining twittering and flitting about.

On this particular day of the year the French Republican Calendar honours the honeysuckle.  There are 180 species of this plant, at least one of which grows wild in Alberta.  It attracts hummingbirds, and some caterpillars feed upon its leaves.  May your day be as sweet as its nectar!

Our focus tends to be outward, during this season of waxing warmth and light.  (Our feeling soars into wide realms of space; we notice the ascent of the sun; inner events are experienced but dimly.)  Here is this week's verse from Steiner's  Calendar of the Soul:

To summer's radiant heights

The sun in shining majesty ascends;

It takes my human feeling

Into its own wide realms of space.

Within my inner being stirs

Presentiment which heralds dimly,

You shall in future know:

A godly being now touched you.

Good-bye, Keene!

I went for a good morning, good-bye walk to delightful Robin Hood Park this morning, placing my unfired clay modeling assignments in strategic locations, to quietly dissolve into the landscape. New England autumns are celebrated, and so should be the New England springs--this one was early and splendiferous, with blossoms bursting open like smiles on tree branches, on bushes, and in the grass everywhere.

After whining, in my last post, about being sick so much, I became sick again--so tired and discouraged with getting sick all the time, that I tended to focus on navigating through each day, rather than on my imminent joyful homecoming. But now my boarding passes are printed, my jumbo suitcase is packed to the point of zipper strain, and the rest of my belongings are question marks surrounding my smaller suitcase, open on my bed (will this fit in? will this, too?). I had to slide my big suitcase down the stairs on its belly--tip will be a must, for the taxi driver who will come for me in the morning! Bank account is closed; refund of the cell phone deposit is negotiated; public library and university library books are returned. Books and clothes are in the mail.

Yesterday 'my' Grade Fours gave me gifts, a book of hand-drawn pictures and handwritten greetings, and their individual thank-yous and wishes for me and my own students, to come. Wonderful children, and I learned so much from them and from their teacher! It was perfect to have Rose and Ze'ev visit me in Keene, this past weekend. We ate in restaurants (what novelty!), got caught in the rain on Pack Monadnock, visited the Horatio Colony Nature Preserve, and I couldn't stop talking--Rose and Ze'ev didn't seem to mind! They packed some of my boxes to the lovely house in Wilton that will be my home for three weeks in July, and carried another box to Ottawa, to mail to Edmonton for me. Thanks Rose! Thanks Ze'ev!

Rose and Ze'ev arrived in Keene on Friday, in time to join my classmates and me in a year-end pot-luck celebration--I was thrilled to be able to introduce them to my wonderful classmates, who were kind enough to say all kinds of nice things to my dear daughter and her partner, my dear friend! I'm very glad I will be able to spend three more weeks with my companions-in-learning, in July.

After I publish this post I will cut myself off from the world by packing away this computer. Tomorrow will be spent in that peculiar vacuum of airports and planes that seems to displace the traveler's connections to time and location. I will go heavily armed with novels and knitting (I've decided to take my chances with a pair of short, almost toy-like bamboo knitting needles), so that I can read and knit furiously to distract myself from the noise and hubbub of air travel. I'm expecting a painless but long day, with a big prize at the end of it all--my own husband's smiling face, and a ride in my own car to my own home in Edmonton! The very prospect feels downright magical!

Will I ever visit Keene again?

Today join the French Republicans in a moment of contemplation of the edible herb borage, with its lovely star-like blue flowers, fuzzy leaves, cucumbery taste, and its boundless energy for showing up in your garden year after year, after you first choose to plant it.

For your soul:

There has arisen from its narrow limits
My self and finds itself
as revelation of all worlds
Within the sway of time and space;
The world, as archetype divine,
displays to me at every turn
the truth of my own likeness.

Lady April

Lady April has come to town, wearing a golden daffodil gown,
All the way from sunny Spain, Lady April has come again.

Celandine and cuckoo-flower dance beside her, hour by hour,
All the birds come out to sing, Lady April a-welcoming.

April, for me, has been about preparing and presenting--in particular, my Big Internship Week, when I was handed the reins for four consecutive main lessons in Grade Four, and my beautifully illustrated botany block book, the major assignment for my Waldorf curriculum class. April has been about greening grass, crocuses, daffodils, pansies, and forsythia. It has been about the most marvelous, melodic birdsong accompanying me on my short walk to school every morning, and the return of the morning doves, with their soft, distinctive hoots. Robins, squirrels, and blackbirds are everywhere, bustling importantly about. April, for me, has been challenging due to illness, and I'm wondering whether missing loved ones in Edmonton has made me more susceptible to whatever viruses are lurking about. I am feeling much heartier now, and a lot more cheerful!

THE GIFTS OF ABSENCE
My relationships with my husband and children have strengthened, during my time away, in unexpected ways. Ken and I have relied on our daily phone calls for mutual support, and I feel a deeper level of understanding, trust, and 'common ground' between us now. One of my children has opened up to me in a lovely, new way, sharing feelings about significant life events. Another of my children has grown healthily independent, learning to stand upright and cope with life's disappointments from a place of individual resourcefulness. I've been made to feel appreciated by my offspring in numerous ways--every mother's dream! Although Ken has been in my life for less than seven years, my children have been sure to include him in all family get-togethers during my absence--he is delighted and deeply touched! And he has bonded with 'my' grandchildren all the more strongly, given opportunities to play with them without their Baba 'interfering.' After every visit I am treated to a play-by-play description of everything Kaliana did and said!

What a wonderful family I have! Shall I sit back, and let them plan our future get-togethers?

SOUL LEARNING
Although there is a 'summer sequence' program at Antioch University, enabling teachers to complete my program during a series of summers, rather than relocating for an entire school year, I chose the 'year-round' program for two reasons. First, I am isolated in Edmonton, as there is no group of Waldorf colleagues there, with which to work. I wanted a 'Waldorf immersion' experience, and second, I wanted a transformational experience. Christopher Bamford articulates what I sought and have found beautifully, within his description of the sevenfold gift of 'Celtic Christianity,' in Chapter Six of his book, An Endless Trace:

" . . . there is deep love of learning and study, study as a curriculum of the soul. Too often, learning and study are discounted, if not abused and reviled, as synonymous with intellectualism abstraction, and literalism or conceptual bigotry. When study and learning are for the transformation of the student, and not for the mere accumulation of information, what is learned becomes who one is."
"The Celtic Christians were . . . interested in becoming fuller, more realized human beings. Their learning was not something other than who they were."
"They studied, they learned, in order to love. Their theology, their religion, was always practical, vibant with life, mystical."

CALENDARS
The Chinese almanac has summer coming in next week, on Tuesday, May 5 (New Hampshire didn't wait!). Today is lily of the valley day, in the French Republican Calendar. I have always loved this tiny flower's exquisite scent. Wikipedia tells us that, "traditionally, Lily of the Valley is sold in the streets of France on May 1. Lily of the Valley became the national flower of Finland in 1967. The meaning of this flower is 'You will find Happiness.'"

For your soul:

I sense a kindred nature to my own:
Thus speaks perceptive feeling
As in the sun-illumined world
It mergest with the floods of light;
To thinking's clarity
My feeling would give warmth
And firmly bind as one
The human being and the world.

Monadnock School Nursery/Kindergarten

Yesterday, on the first hot summer day of 2009 in New Hampshire, I biked/hiked up to the nursery/kindergarten location of Monadnock Waldorf School, in its lovely rural setting. It took an hour to get there, and forty-five minutes to get back, but what delightful gardens, play areas, and views there are! Blue, blue sky and yellow, yellow blossoms--the cheeriest colour combination!

A Change in the Year

To My Sister

William Wordsworth
(1770-1850)

---

It is the first mild day of March:
Each minute sweeter than before
The redbreast sings from the tall larch
That stands beside our door.

There is a blessing in the air,
Which seems a sense of joy to yield
To the bare trees, and mountains bare,
And grass in the green field.

My sister! ('tis a wish of mine)
Now that our morning meal is done,
Make haste, your morning task resign;
Come forth and feel the sun.

Edward will come with you;--and, pray,
Put on with speed your woodland dress;
And bring no book: for this one day
We'll give to idleness.

No joyless forms shall regulate
Our living calendar:
We from to-day, my Friend, will date
The opening of the year.

Love, now a universal birth,
From heart to heart is stealing,
From earth to man, from man to earth:
--It is the hour of feeling.

One moment now may give us more
Than years of toiling reason:
Our minds shall drink at every pore
The spirit of the season.

Some silent laws our hearts will make,
Which they shall long obey:
We for the year to come may take
Our temper from to-day.

And from the blessed power that rolls
About, below, above,
We'll frame the measure of our souls:
They shall be tuned to love.

Then come, my Sister! come, I pray,
With speed put on your woodland dress;
And bring no book: for this one day
We'll give to idleness.

HEAVENLY SPRING DAYS!

No, I don't feel guilty crowing about how spring has arrived in New Hampshire, knowing that all my Edmonton buddies were suffering at minus forty degrees only last Wednesday morning. Edmontonians, rejoice! Spring is almost at your doorstep! I just about squealed when I went for my Beauty Walk on Saturday (walking in the woods,with my camera, that is, spotting the beauty in nature) and saw GREEN STUFF coming right out of the ground! Saturday and Sunday were the kind of early spring days that one dreams about all winter, with the sun's warmth penetrating through the back of my jacket. I went back on Sunday with a thermos of tea, and sat sipping it on a bench among the pines, overlooking the reservoir, smiling inside and out. A woman about my age had her fingers happily dabbling in the earth of her flower beds, and I stopped to admire her blooming yellow and purple crocuses. And there's a particular spot on the way to my Sunday-morning coffee shop, where I have begun to hear the unmistakable call of a mourning dove.

Everything is more fun in the spring, and knowing that I'll be home in two months.

FRENCH REPUBLICAN CALENDAR--Dandelion

Ah, today is the day of the lowly dandelion--one of my favorite flowers! The dandelion figures prominently in my botany project book for my Waldorf curriculum class. I held my webcam above my drawing of a dandelion seedling to show Ken, and his comment was, "Hey! That's a weed!" A Saskatchewan farm boy, he is not fond of the dandelion.

RUDOLF STEINER'S CALENDAR OF THE SOUL--Joy-of-growth is now calling to our human souls!

Thus to the human ego speaks

In mighty revelation,

Unfolding its inherent powers,

the joy of growth throughout the world:

I carry into you my life

from its enchanted bondage

and so attain my truest goal.

Budding New Life

The major term assignment for my current Waldorf Curriculum Preparation Course is the creation of a representative main lesson book on a single block topic, accompanied by a teaching plan. In Waldorf education, the main lesson book is a work of art, a record of learning, and the nearest thing to a textbook that is allowed into the classroom. I chose Grade 5 Botany--what could be more wonderful to draw than plants and flowers? For my own preparation, to enter into the world of plants in a living way, I have embarked upon a photographic study of a tree twig, here in the yard of my house in Keene. I will photograph it at intervals while it swells and develops and produces a bud, over the course of the next several weeks. So far, I have been unable to identify it by its bark, so it remains a mystery tree for the moment.


GESTATION
Eleven weeks until I return home, but (as I always ask) who's counting? I calculated that my weeks in New Hampshire, including the two July stints, will total exactly forty--a pregnancy, and something new is quickening within me, as a result of my studies and experiences here. My yearning to be home is always present--a persistent, gentle wistfulness.

GRADE SIX ACOUSTICS
Here's something worth trying at home--trust me, you'll be amazed! Cut two lengths of ordinary string, each about half a metre long. Tie one end of each string to a large fork or spoon from your cutlery drawer. Tie a small loop in the other end of each string. Play around with these for awhile--be creative--and look and listen for the effects of your experimentation. Now carefully place one of the small loops over your right index fingertip, and the other over your left, and insert your fingertips, with string, quite far into your ears. With or without help, contrive to get the two implements to tap together. What do you experience now? Aren't you glad you tried it?

REVERENCE IS A FORCE
Reverence is much more than a 'nice' way to approach the world and each other; much more than an attitude that motivates us to care for and protect people, creatures, and things. Waldorf students who are led, through reverence, into a living relationship with nature and the phenomena of the world, are developing a sixth sense with which to perceive and connect with the universe, and penetrate into the mysteries of existence. The habit of reverence leads us beyond Bloom's taxonomy to even higher-order thinking skills of imagination, intuition and inspiration. It is also referred to as heart-thinking. Goethe entered into a kind of thought-conversation with his subjects of study, and today's cutting-edge research scientists enter into a similar kind of dialogue with whatever they are observing, through which they are able to open up to and receive information from their subject of scientific study--a plant; a colour; a particle; a wave. Adopting an attitude of reverent curiosity; honouring the wisdom of the world, is in itself a way to grow and learn.

AFRICAN INITIATION POETRY
There was an African tribe that gave a certain task to all the children at age thirteen, when they were going through an initiation and passing through the outer gate of childhood. They were to create poems in this specific style. They were given the first line and asked to add five more lines based on some examples. My fellow students and I were given this task to do in class on Friday. Here is my poem, dedicated to the three most wonderful young women I know,
Rose, Laura and Christina!

Young woman you are:
the aurora dancing across the sky
the crocus blooming in the snow
the songbird's joyful melody
the rain upon parched, cracked clay
the azure butterfly in the forest.

ERNEST L. BOYER, SR.
I was thrilled to be selected from among my classmates to receive the 2009 Boyer teacher scholarship, which provides for an education student with the potential to develop characteristics that Dr. Boyer believed essential for good teaching. I am ever so grateful!

CALENDARS
According to the French Republican Calendar yesterday's tool of the day was the spade, and today's plant is the narcissus. This past week I bought three paperwhite bulbs, on sale in a shop on Main Street. They are fat and bursting with joy-of-growth! I have them in a clear glass vase in my north bedroom window, and I'm looking forward to the day when their strong perfume will scent the indoor atmosphere.
Welcome, month of March!
Spring will reach its zenith this month--are you ready to enjoy it?

Within the light that out of world-wide heights
Would stream with power toward the soul,
May certainty of cosmic thinking
Arise to solve the soul's enigmas--
And focusing its mighty rays,
Awaken love in human hearts.

Holiday Weekend

OAK FOLLOWS MAPLE
Two and three weeks ago the maples here were exploding with flaming colour; now those leaves have mostly fallen, and the oaks are a most delicious shade of honey-bronze. We breathed it in as we walked around the reservoir at Robin Hood Park this past weekend--my daughter, Rose, her partner, Ze'ev and yours truly. Rose and Ze'ev drove down from Ottawa on Hallowe'en for a visit, and treated me to a delightful weekend of exploring a bit of New Hampshire by car. We 'touched down' in nearby Roxbury, Monadnock State Park, Peterborough, Portsmouth on the Piscataqua River, and Newcastle, where we glimpsed some of New Hampshire's sixteen miles of seacoast. See all about it by visiting my web album! The three of us were blessed with a brilliantly sunny Sunday for driving about, although it was much chillier than you would guess by viewing the photos. And no wonder, for WINTER begins in two days, according to Liza Dalby in East Wind Melts the Ice. The season of frost peaks around the December solstice, cold strengthens as days begin to lengthen, and early spring follows close upon the heels of Brigid's Day, which is February first.

My Rose and her Ze'ev are the cute couple in the photo on this page. My generous landlady, Jan, welcomed them into her home, and put them up in one of her rooms which is conveniently, temporarily vacant. Jan introduced Rose and Ze'ev to her gentle pups Precious, Safi, Hero and Winnie, and they all seemed to enjoy meeting one another. Jan also treated us to a visit with her ball python, Diablo. You can see by the photo of me that Diablo is a charming fellow. The oak leaves were photographed at Strawbery Banke, an outdoor historical museum of vintage houses and gardens in Portsmouth. The Piscataqua River is nice, but we were hoping to see the Atlantic Ocean in Portsmouth. We drove a little further on to Newcastle, and the scenic view above was shot by Rose, as we admired the late afternoon sunlight at the real, true seacoast. On our way back toward Keene we ogled the multi-million-dollar homes along the sandy beaches of Hampton.

Rose and Ze'ev were intrigued by some of the presidential election preparations here. Saturday morning, there was a rally at Keene's Central Square. Saturday afternoon, we saw crews setting up in Peterborough for John McCain's Sunday visit there. Sunday evening, driving west from the coast back to Keene, there were police cars with flashing lights at regular intervals all along the highway. Some access ramps were blocked off, and we were barred from making a necessary turn toward Keene. Ze'ev drove a little further along the highway; then turned around in time for us to see the black McCain campaign bus make the turn toward Peterborough, followed by a couple of campaign support buses. McCain Blend and Obama Blend coffee beans are offered for sale in Keene, and we were invited to join 'the action' at Obama's campaign headquarters this morning as we drove in search of a downtown parking spot. Tomorrow is voting day for American citizens, and the rest will be history.

I felt just a little sad and lonely to see Rose and Ze'ev head back to Ottawa this afternoon, but oh, what lovely memories! I would NEVER keep track of my time away from home, but I've done nine weeks in Keene since the end of August, and I have seven left to go until my trip to Edmonton for Christmas. I booked my flight home for May 2009 as well, so I can go ahead and write countdown numbers in my daytimer--a number every Friday, to track the weeks until returning to Edmonton. Oh ya, I said I wouldn't track my time away, didn't I?

KEENE PUMPKIN FESTIVAL
Between 1992 and 2003 Keene chalked up eight world records for the most pumpkins appearing at their annual pumpkin festival. I do believe this is the biggest public event that Keene celebrates each year. Riding my bicycle to and from the university the weekend of October 25, I 'participated' in this year's festival by admiring the tall scaffolds loaded with rows of jack-o'-lanterns, and crossing paths with crowds of festival-goers. The Saturday-night fireworks were splendid, viewed from my second-storey bedroom window!

COURSE WORK AND CLASS VISITS
To fulfill our drama requirement, my class of thirteen is learning The Shepherd's Play, a musical play telling the Mary, Joseph and Jesus story, that is traditionally performed in Waldorf schools. We will be presenting it in a nearby community hall in mid-December. I have been cast as the hallowed Angel Gabriel, and I have a glorious solo to sing. I continue to keep up with assigned readings, reports, drawings, and my research paper on Tolstoy. It was my turn to introduce 'my philosopher' in class last Friday. Rather than impersonating the novelist himself, I chose to present myself as Countess Sophie Andreevna Tolstoy introducing my husband. Don't you know, my Lyovochka and I had thirteen children together, ten of whom survived infancy and early childhood. I ran the household, nursed my babies and tutored them myself, transcribed War and Peace and Anna Karenina from Leo's illegible scribbles into my own clear handwriting, felt that I was participating intimately in the lives of his wonderful story characters, organized the publication of the novels, and translated my husband's work into French and German!
. . . just an ordinary housewife . . .
A favourite assignment of my Waldorf instructors is to have students create a 'notebook' or 'journal,' including notes taken during class, personal reflections on the material studied, and in some cases, illustrations or some form of artistic rendering of the course content. For my painting class, my watercolour notebook includes miniatures of our class painting assignments, illustrating the steps along the way to completing each painting. Re-copying my notes makes my arm ache from time to time, but it's an excellent review, and keeps the learning fresh in my mind.

Thanks to classmates willing to drive me to schools in different towns, I have completed my required visits to various Waldorf elementary classrooms, and have come to the conclusion that there are have and have-not teachers. Some teachers have their classes--the children are focused and engaged, and teaching and learning carry on in a lively, interesting fashion. Other teachers have not 'got' their classes. Children fidget and squirm frightfully, rock or jump with or even fall out of their chairs, and receive 'strikes' so that they have to serve penalties by standing motionless beside their desks. The have-not teachers struggle continually to earn the attention of their charges, and this is all quite uncomfortable for the visitor (me) to observe. I would like to offer a single tip to the have-not teachers out there: After making a request of the children, such as, for example, 'Leave the chairs alone,' wait for all hands to come off of the chairs before proceeding with your activity. The waiting is the indication that the behavior is required, in order for the lesson to continue. It is simple and effective.

Here we are, part-way between Michaelmas and Winter Solstice, in the thirty-first week of the soul year that began at Easter. Consider Steiner's seasonal verse for us:

The light from spirit depths

Strives to ray outwards, sun-imbued;

Transformed to forceful will of life

It shines into the senses' dullness

To bring to birth the powers

Whereby creative forces, soul-impelled,

Shall ripen into human deeds.

Season of Red Rose Hips

According to Liza Dalby, author of East Wind Melts the Ice, summer softened into autumn around August 5th, and the new season will reach its zenith at the time of the equinox, on September 22. Walking at Glendalough last week, I noticed that the rose hips had ripened, and was reminded of the autumn seven years ago when I gathered a potful of them to make jam. It was just before my hip replacement revision surgery (get it--hips?).

It's been so long since my magical weekend in Ottawa, visiting my lovely eldest daughter, Rose, and her terrific partner, Ze'ev! They were wonderful hosts, and highlights of the visit for me include going on a Haunted Walking Tour and visiting the old Ottawa jail, exploring the town of Wakefield, nearby in Quebec, and our picnic by the Rideau Canal. Yes, I took photos, and yes, you can go and see them now--don't be shy, there are only five little photos to view!

I spent my August recuperating after my car crash, catching up on appointments to my doctor, dentist, fingernail tech, hairdresser, and so on. I spent a day at the Edmonton Folkfest, and re-connected with several friends there. Ken and I enjoyed a lovely dinner with our wonderful friends, Starla and Pat, just last night. We attended his brother's wedding in Regina, as well as a Saskatchewan Roughriders football game! I re-connected with my past by finishing the Great Slide Scanning Project, converting my father's collection of twenty-three hundred slides to digital files, so that I can send them to my sister in North Carolina. After for sitting for two or three hours at the scanner, when I stood up I found I needed to give myself a little shake to come back to the present--I am no longer a young mother with cute kids in tow, but that time of my life remains very real and present for me.

I re-connected with three of my grown children when they treated me to a pot-luck supper at my place, at a baby shower for my Laura, and through some very special visits with my Kaliana. Kaliana loves to play with water, wade at Paul Kane park, smell flowers, hug trees, twirl with her Baba, be tickled by Ken, help cook at the kitchen counter, open doors and slam them shut, and smell the bars of scented soap in her Baba's underwear drawer. Laura is potty-training Kaliana at the moment, so I forgave her when she suggested that my clay masterpieces (shown in my July 27 post) might be representations of poop! Please click to view my clay buddha and sphinx sculptures.

I enjoyed two special visits--one, with my original mother-in-law, at her house, admiring photos of her lifetime, put together in honor of her eightieth birthday, and the other, with my original father-in-law and his wife, at the hospital, where he was recovering from surgery.

It has been a bittersweet August for me, gathering special moments to remember through the coming weeks (okay, months) on my own in New Hampshire, and not wanting to say good-bye. At first I was quite worried about my hearing, which was damaged in my mishap of August 1st--a concussion to the auditory nerves, which will take some time to heal. I feel much better about my hearing now, after talking to my dentist and audiologist. Now I just wear my hearing aids when my brain needs a rest from straining to hear, and I take them out when my ears need a rest from hearing so much.

I have never packed for a sixteen-week trip before, and yes, it is a challenge--of course, I want to take more than I have room for. I fly away early on Friday, August 29. I'm home for two short weeks at Christmastime, December 20 to January 3. Then comes the longest stretch of all, away from home from January to mid-May.

Words to contemplate:

I feel strange power, bearing fruit
And gaining strength to give myself to me.
I sense the seed maturing
And expectation, light-filled, weaving
Wthin me on my selfhood's power.

Autumn blessings of strength to you.